Intentions Versus Actions

I've lately had a huge dilemma on "intentions versus actions".

Lets say a woman named Carolyn decides to go out on a Friday night. Her boyfriend is out of town and they have had some relationship problems in the past 6 months out of 2 years dating. Carolyn has a few drinks and meets a nice man named Richard. Carolyn asks Richard if he would like to come home with her, but Richard declines since he knows Carolyn has a significant other and wishes not to be a part of adultery.

Carolyn goes home and doesn't physically cheat.
But she would have.

Does that make her wrong or guilty? Absolutely.
Some friends of mine have argued that it isn't as bad as actually cheating. I find it equally as bad. If he was willing, the act would have occurred. So why didn't she cheat? She was denied, that's why. I find this to be just as bad as if Richard had said yes and they went home to have relations.

I've come to find many people in my generation have no filter and no sense of respect. I've learned that up until recently, I barely have, either.

A funny joke between friends is fine.
"Good morning, beautiful" is not something a man with a significant other should say to someone other than their girlfriend/boyfriend, no matter how close the friendship is. And if you are the one receiving these "compliments", it's time to step up and say something to the other person if you have a significant other. Ignoring is not appropriate either.

Because of technology, it has become so easy to just blab thoughts out on a screen that would be offensive to one's own partner.

"If your partner wouldn't like that you said that, don't say it."

Many times I've said things to be funny or interesting knowing if my significant other saw it, they would be ticked. This has to stop, and I'm learning to stop. However, other's say "as long as I'm not physically cheating, flirting is no big deal." These same people are the ones who have later come out to me that they like me and made moves on me while dating someone else.

So, bottom line: if you want a good partner and want to be a good partner, go with someone who is good because they have good intentions, not because they haven't done any physical actions that are inappropriate.

I'm not saying people should be controlled. And hey, if you want an open relationship, flirting is just fine. But in a monogamous relationship, sacrifices must be made to ensure friendships stay appropriate.

And if you want to cheat, and try to cheat, maybe it's just time to move on. If not for you, for the sake of the other party member.

First Post

Recently one my my female friends, mid-20s, told me I should write a blog.

So, here's what I have to offer:

I'm a 20-something year old female living in a townhouse near DC. I'm a contractor for the government, working as a web admin for their website (I swear to god if I get another healthcare.gov crack I'm going to flip). Sometimes I vend at conventions selling retro anime and video game merchandise for my store Nerd Elysium. Here I will give all of my lovely advice that I learn through life by making huge, tiny mistakes (Arrested Development ahhhhh) ... or just rant about stuff most middle-class, first-world country people complain about. If you are looking for random bull-crap that 95% of people would consider bunk, you've found your place.

So, I've realized after college I've started to diversify the kind of friends I make a keep.

It's harder to make friends outside of college. And let me tell you, OKCUPID is not the way to go to make friends -- usually. (Common sense is common.)

I don't love one certain group of friends over another. Actually, one of my best post-college friends is a "non-nerd" and loves football (barf). So, let me tell you: as you get older, you don't need friends who are exactly interested in what you are interested in ... as long as they don't treat you like TOTAL crap, they are in.

So, my friends can be cut and paste into 2 distinct categories, but some fun sub categories as well

• The Nerds
• Social nerds
• Have lots of friends
• Hilariously inappropriate
• Drink excessively, or at least get drunk once a month
• Socially inept nerds
• Shy, awkward
• Good one-on-one, not so good in groups
• Rarely drink/never drink
• The Non-Nerds
• Party people
• So much drink I can't even
• Calm people
• Drink as much as the "social nerds" do

Surprisingly, the friend who convinced me to start this blog is a "Non-Nerd Calm people" (god I should write books, the amount of language skills I have are over 9,000). If I had to categorize myself, I'd be under "Social Nerds", definitely trying to drink a wee bit less myself ;)

The reason I'm bothering to explain this is because it seems across the board, straight men love nerdy girls. I decided to give my non-nerdy galpal some advice, jokingly, on how to win over guys whether they be nerdy or not.

(straight) Ladies, you might laugh, but I shit you not -- this works.

This is the advice I sent my poor friend.

How to (apparently) win a guy:

·        Treat them like a bro

o   Fist bumps

o   Side hugs

o   Literally calling them “bro” or “dude”

o   Constantly making fun of them

·        Enjoy nerdy things

o   Brush up on n64 games

§  Nostalgia sells

o   Study some HTML

§  Dudes bone over HTML

·        Casual as fuck

o   Wearing TMNT pajama pants when they come over for dinner is 100% acceptable, apparently

·        Treat them special

o   Invite them for a video game dinner night

§  First invite them to play games, then ask what they want to eat for dinner when they are over. If they act super grateful just say “Dude no big”

o   Invite them to events with you (but make it seem casual, once again, no big deal if they come or not)

·        Crude humor

o   Admitting you watch porn is apparently hot

§  Having it accidentally pop up when you type in a website on your laptop is also apparently hot

So, she found this advice humorous.

Possibly (probably) embarrassing. 

Changing up little things is a great idea, but an entire personality overhaul will leave you exhausted and depressed (believe me, I've tried it). Everyone grows as they get older, and personalities change. I'm sure at age 45 I won't have guys over while I'm wearing PJs, and I'm okay with that.

But seriously, those bro fist bumps are killer. Knock one in and the guy is yours.