I've lately had a huge dilemma on "intentions versus actions".
Lets say a woman named Carolyn decides to go out on a Friday night. Her boyfriend is out of town and they have had some relationship problems in the past 6 months out of 2 years dating. Carolyn has a few drinks and meets a nice man named Richard. Carolyn asks Richard if he would like to come home with her, but Richard declines since he knows Carolyn has a significant other and wishes not to be a part of adultery.
Carolyn goes home and doesn't physically cheat.
But she would have.
Does that make her wrong or guilty? Absolutely.
Some friends of mine have argued that it isn't as bad as actually cheating. I find it equally as bad. If he was willing, the act would have occurred. So why didn't she cheat? She was denied, that's why. I find this to be just as bad as if Richard had said yes and they went home to have relations.
I've come to find many people in my generation have no filter and no sense of respect. I've learned that up until recently, I barely have, either.
A funny joke between friends is fine.
"Good morning, beautiful" is not something a man with a significant other should say to someone other than their girlfriend/boyfriend, no matter how close the friendship is. And if you are the one receiving these "compliments", it's time to step up and say something to the other person if you have a significant other. Ignoring is not appropriate either.
Because of technology, it has become so easy to just blab thoughts out on a screen that would be offensive to one's own partner.
"If your partner wouldn't like that you said that, don't say it."
Many times I've said things to be funny or interesting knowing if my significant other saw it, they would be ticked. This has to stop, and I'm learning to stop. However, other's say "as long as I'm not physically cheating, flirting is no big deal." These same people are the ones who have later come out to me that they like me and made moves on me while dating someone else.
So, bottom line: if you want a good partner and want to be a good partner, go with someone who is good because they have good intentions, not because they haven't done any physical actions that are inappropriate.
I'm not saying people should be controlled. And hey, if you want an open relationship, flirting is just fine. But in a monogamous relationship, sacrifices must be made to ensure friendships stay appropriate.
And if you want to cheat, and try to cheat, maybe it's just time to move on. If not for you, for the sake of the other party member.
